I Love the 80's

We were Ordinary People
but my Uncle Buck was an Urban Cowboy,
The King of Comedy, and a Real Genius.
He was Born on the Fourth of July
and died on Friday the 13th.
He always knew he’d Die Hard because of his
Fatal Attraction to The Elephant Man,
who he affectionately referred to as Roxanne.
He also called him The Terminator and
Swamp Thing and Tootsie,
but those were just Terms of Endearment.
He knew that his Dangerous Liaisons with
The Elephant Man, would be scrutinized but
he didn’t care.

On Prom Night, they were
Romancing the Stone, if you know what I mean,
and they suddenly decided to get married in the next
48 Hrs. The following day, he had a
Bachelor Party, and invited all his friends.
They came from everywhere on
Planes, Trains, and Automobliles;
Among the guests were the guys from his Platoon:
Howard the Duck, Jumpin’ Jack Flash, and Johnny Dangerously,
a Beverly Hills Cop that he met at the Police Academy,
The Karate Kid, The Pope of Greenwich Village, The Goonies,
that Drugstore Cowboy he worked the Night Shift with that One Crazy Summer,
and even The Man With One Red Shoe, as well as The Man With Two Brains.
Things went Over the Top after a Midnight Run
for some Mystic Pizza at a local Diner.
Turns out that Uncle Buck had one Cocktail too many
and had a bit of a Short Circuit. He ended up trying to
Throw Mamma From the Train. How he ended up on a train
and whose mamma he was trying to throw, we still have no Clue.

Nonetheless, the next day, Uncle Buck and
The Elephant Man were married.
The Elephant Man was Pretty In Pink and Blue Velvet
and Uncle Buck was dressed like An Officer and a Gentlemen.
There was much Dirty Dancing
and they had All the Right Moves.
They spent their honeymoon Weekend at Bernie’s
and Nine ½ Weeks later, The Elephant Man gave birth to
A Fish Called Wanda, and she was Some Kind of Wonderful
Rumble Fish that loved to Splash.
Uncle Buck went Back to School to become a Repo Man
and The Elephant Man sold Spaceballs for War Games at Space Camp.

But what no one knew was that Uncle Buck was
Running Scared with No Way Out.
After a Top Secret Stakeout, he ended up Trading Places
with The Running Man, who was into some Weird Science.
They were searching for The Jewel of the Nile,
which was The Dark Crystal that Legend says
was hidden in a Labyrinth protected by Gremlins, The Evil Dead,
and Killer Klowns from Outer Space.
There was also something about
Children of the Corn Field of Dreams and An American Werewolf in London,
but both of those described places Out of Africa.

But before you start thinking that this is
a Never Ending Story, I will tell you how Uncle Buck met his fate.
He had The Right Stuff and tried to Do the Right Thing,
but his Endless Love for Fame and The Elephant Man did him in.
His search for Outrageous Fortune brought him
face to face with The Abyss. Uncle Buck found The Jewel of the Nile,
but on his trip home, Coming to America, he was Betrayed by
The Elephant Man, who was actually a Thief.
He was a Lethal Weapon too and had a License to Kill,
and he murdered Uncle Buck with The Razor’s Edge.

As his Lifeforce left him, Uncle Buck uttered these words:
“This world is filled with Ruthless People
and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels; it’s a real Creepshow,
but that’s no reason to have a Death Wish or to try to
Escape From New York. No one is Better Off Dead, and
The Thing to remember is that This Is Spinal Tap,
and also that, when we are feeling
Less Than Zero, there’s a Raging Bull inside all of us,
and each of us, from The Last Starfighter to The Last Dragon,
must look Back to the Future, and despite the
Big Trouble in Little China we must say, ‘Good Morning, Vietnam,’
put on a Full Metal Jacket, walk out into the
Red Dawn and when it begins to Rain
Man, that Purple Rain, like
Pennies From Heaven, The Sure Thing is
that it will put out the Inferno
that is St. Elmo’s Fire.”

Now that last bit might sound crazy, but
it was Against All Odds that Uncle Buck could Say Anything…

Give Love a Shot

You like to play Russian Roulette.
I am an empty chamber in the revolver.
You spin the cylinder and pull back the hammer.
I align with the barrel.
You press the muzzle to your head,
squeeze the trigger
and expect the bullet,
the flash, that bang,
but there is nothing,
just that hollow click,
and an empty exhale.